A journey  through time and space
by LordClockwork
Summary: there isn't nearly enough Ford and Author Fluff as there needs to be so, I decided I'd write my own!. the tale of a skiddish human and a very sexual active Betelgeusians. an adventure through the wonders of love!. Warning Slash as well as Mpreg.
1. The night of passion

A journey through time and space

Summary- the fantastic story of one skittish Adult and one flirtatious Betelgeusian, what's to fallow, Love, panic and Kidnapping. (Contains Male/Male relationship, and other awesome acts of Love)

Alright so here's the straight skinny on what's been going on, as of now this story shall be finished or at least have more than one chapter. I'm so happy having fully typed out what's going to happen, my real hopes are that people enjoy this story and comment on each chapter. Although it might not be in the elevated language I want in to be

But now to begin!

"Time really does fly when you having fun, or rather yet when your sitting by watching other people have fun" this is what the poor English man sitting on a bar said to him self while looking over at his friends dancing and swaying to the music of the party. He let out a long exasperated sigh while simply slouching over and pivoting his wrist some to make the liquid in his cup swirl round and round. He raised the yellow liquid up to the vicinity near his mouth sniffing it slightly before twisting his face some and taking a long sip from the glass. Before setting it atop the counter. With slightly bent arms he rest his head atop his fist before looking out upon his friends who seemed to be having a good time.

"What on earth have they got that I don't?"

"Well for one none of them shiver like a small dog with ever they get nervous"

"Good point bu-"

"And they can hold their alcohol"

"Yeah bu-"

"Besides there pretty good looking once you think about it"

"Hey what a min-"

"And they don't complain like a house wife"

"You know this really isn't helping my mood"

"It's your mind, I'm just your subconscious"

His frown deepened as he realized the fact not only had he lost an argument with his own mind but what the other voice in his head was stating was completely right at least that's how it looked. Sitting there on the bar stool he watched each of his friend be gravitated. It seemed as if they all were slathered in honey and every one else were bees. He's gaze came upon Zaphod first who didn't even surprise him with the amount of attention he was getting. Woman stuck to him similar to how flies stuck to sticky paper. They giggled and laughed as almost all of them received a peck on the cheek or a full on make out session with one of Zaphod heads. Some of them even received a slap on the behind from the one of three hands he had to spare. Laughing as he swayed back and forth most likely in a drunken stupor at this point.

Than his gaze went to tricia or rather Trillian now a days was attracting a good amount of attention as well, good looking men…if they were men flocked to her offering her drinks or a dance, or rides on spaceships which he for her sake were just as such. Than there was ford…. whom seemed to be like some one had dropped a piece of meat in to a piranha tank. Swarming around where men and woman, or at least what looked like men and woman to him. Either way he seemed to be popular with both genders and was having a grand ole time barely able to keep on his feet with the amount of alcohol he's ingested.

Arthur swept a few locks of hair from tickling his fore head before he turned around not being able to bare his friend's party prowess while he simply sat there. As far as his luck went when it came to dating or romantic interested, there was a pair of Men who came up to him in attempt to 'get to know each other' but his ground hog like nature prevailed once more as he simply retracted in to silence with a strawberry red blush plastered across his face, he wasn't refusing the offer he was just frankly shy when it came to, any relationship! Even with girls he seems to have a problem. He allowed his head to come down upon the counter gently sighing before an idea popped in his head, 'why not pack up and head home' loneliness for the night was better than just sitting here bored. Swinging his torso round her slid off the bar seat. Staggering some now that his feet touched the ground he was slightly more aware of just how hammered he was. With a silent wave to his friend he trudge from the nosy colorful bar back to the heart of cold hopefully he could find his way to his bed with out Eddie's "help: or Marvin's complaining.

Stumbling through the hallways of the white finish ship, his eyes half open trying to find his way through the slightly darkened ship, finally through maybe a half an hour of searching he was able to finally find his way back to his room. Arthur trudged inside with slightly hazy eyes. He proceeded with some difficulty to remove his clothing before finally climbing in to bed lazily covering him self with a few blankets. He was just about to sink in to dream world but was interrupted by the sound of the door opening and shoes hitting the floor. He frowned his brow some still muddy brain failing to get the message that some one was in the room. Arthur didn't become alarmed until he felt some one climb in to his bed with him, feeling hot breath against the back of his neck. He sighed some hoping that it wasn't a shit faced Zaphod once again getting his own room mixed up with Arthur's. He couldn't help but shiver some as the feeling of who's ever breath tickled the back of his neck like some one holding a feather duster.

He could take it any more, feeling like he was going to squirm his way out of the covers if he didn't do something, he rolled over lazily, but instead of coming face to face with a snoring Zaphod it was quite awake and drunk looking Ford laying in his bed.

A smile pulled across the Betelgeusian's face, as he simply lied there staring right in to the hazelnut eye ape descendants. Arthur was somewhat shocked to see how intently ford seems to be staring at him even though he was obviously piss drunk. Smiling widely he raised a hand-making Arthur move his head some even if the appendage was a good foot or two away from his face. Still only half awake he only moved slightly once ford's hand was cupping his cheek some. There was a warm feeling that radiated from the hand-putting Arthur in a hazy stupor. He simply lied there while ford stroked his cheek some with his thumb. "Hey…*hic* Arthur…" he tried to mumble something the only thing that came out of his mouth was a small grunt.

Ford laughed lightly before the smile in which looked like it couldn't get nay bigger did just that. "Did I ever tell you.*hic* you have the most beautiful eyes I've seen on a human". Somewhere in the back of Arthur's mind he was thinking how cheesy that sounded but at the moment the rest of him didn't really care. With the feeling like he was being wrapped in a space blanket and softly kissed as his cheek was stroked he cracked a small smile "mm" was all he muttered while his eye lids fluttered some. "That…..*hic*…s, one of the reasons, I saved ** …*hic*.. ** You from earth, that and **hic**, I always thought you look so cute when you panic" He chuckled some to him self making him laugh even more. Ford seems to scoot even closer allowing the rest of his arm to rest on side as he simply lay there and listened half-heartedly.

As Arthur lied there allowing Ford to confess what sounded like his secret crush on him. It only made his smile a little more maybe he thought; maybe this was a good dream he was having. Admitting to him self that the dream was good enough though it seemed to be a very romantic dream between him and some one who was suppose to be his best friend. Ford scooted even closer only inches away from Arthur wrapping both arms around him and kissing him atop the forehead Arthur felt what seemed to be a wave of warm pleasure that flowed through him soothing him to the point of allowing ford to begin kissing his neck sensually. Even if he was drunk he would have climbed out of bed by now and at least tried to get ford back in bed but this feeling was to enjoyable to end, so he just stayed there, feeling fords lips tickle his neck.

The session went on for a while ford stroking Arthurs face and hair, whispering sweet nothing that he usually reserved for the female dates he brought home. One in a while he switched it up kissing Arthur along his neck, even being so bold as to deliver a peck on the lips once or twice. That was until he alcohol started to wear off, Arthur still seemed to be in a dazed state but was being pushes by another force entirely. He pulled away from Arthur for only a few seconds stripping down to absolutely nothing before climbing back in to bed. Pressed against Arthur he went for a kiss pressing his surprisingly soft lips against Arthur and keeping it that way for a few seconds. Arthur even when only half aware that same strawberry blush appears on his face, which made Ford laugh once more before he start to massage Arthur's leg with his pelvis. Little did Arthur now that ford's acts of romance where not going to stop at just kissing, the look on his face showed him wanting more than just playful and romantic acts of kissing and hugging, much more, the extend of which Arthur would wake up to.


	2. Waking upbut not in vegas

AN/ Well thank you for the two comments I received even though I would have liked to have more I realize that Unlike a lot of other shows and books Hitch hikers guide is not quite as popular but that's not gonna stop me from typing this quite frankly funny as hell story that my brain has vicious thrown out.

So thank you two commenters XD this is for you guys hope you enjoy.

To say author's head was pounding like the various percussion instruments in a grand orchestra was an under statement. It was, or rather it felt like there was a small thunder storm brewing within his skull threatening to split it open, it made trying to gather his thoughts nearly impossible. The cobwebs in his brain felt more like bubble gum or even rubber cement and kept the wheels of his mind from turning and rising to greet the day.

There were small snippets of thought that seem to muck through his brain such as why does everything feel so sticky or why is it so hot in here and other such small question that his brain has yet to answer. It wasn't until his ears picked up a groan from next to him that sparked the fuse to his mental explosion. All of a sudden he bolt up right as that hazy memory of some one hands all over him came rushing in to him like rhinoceros, who exactly he couldn't quite remember seeing as with his buzzed brain he didn't recall stumbling back to the heart of gold with a lady (or possibly a man) on his arm. His blood shot eyes spotted a head of dark ginger-ish hair that was currently clashing against the soft white pillows of his bed. There was a churning in his stomach as the particular head of hair looked quite familiar. He was far to nervous to pull the covers back to see what was in his bed so who ever was buried under the comforter did it them selves.

Author could honestly say (if he could say anything) that he had not expected to see a very hung-over looking Betelgeusian's entering the early stages of waking up.

"Ford!"

He groaned at the surprise yell of his own name pulling the pillow that author has slept on over his head

"Author not so loud…"

"Ford, what on Ea-No what in the universe are you doing in my bed"

Ford pulled the pillow from over his face looking at Author with a slightly raised brow,

"What do you mean what am I doing in your bed"

"Don't answer my question with another question"

"Than don't yell so loud when we both know that neither of us can handle the slightest bit of loud noises at the moment"

He was about to reply with don't answer his command with another command but another key fact hit author in the face like a wet sock.

Neither he nor ford were wearing a speak of clothing.

Not a shirt

Not a sock

Not even a pair of boxers

Completely naked..In the same bed.

It was than that Ford watched as Author's brain experienced a small nuclear melt down, rebuilt it self, have yet another melt down and finally pick up the charred remains of his thought process once more.

"I uh…thank I'll uh..Go get us some breakfast" ford said with a semi comforting smile that still in shock author ignored. Ford quickly pulled him self from the comfy confines of the covers grabbing his discarded boxers and pulling them on quickly before author could have yet another mental breakdown. He scrambled out of the room and in to the hallway quickly closing the door behind him and leaving author to gather his wits.

Ford sighed some as he started the long trek to the kitchen, why in the universe did the lights have to be so damn bright, he was thankful for unlike other species Betelgeusian's recovered fairly quickly from trivial things such as hangovers, but it didn't seem to help with the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach that he may have in all seriousness just mentally scarred his Best friend for life. It made him groan some once more and run a hair through his somewhat ruffled hair.

"What's your problem" a familiar voice rang through out the kitchen

"Yeah" another voice exactly like the first voice spoke.

Ford only turned his head slightly seeing the face of his two headed semi-half cousins sitting there at the kitchen island.

"Nothing"

"Doesn't look like nothing," Zaphod said more so out of nosey-ness rather than concern.

"You really wanna know"

"I'm all ears semi-cousin"

"I think Me and author slept.."

Both of Zaphod face twisted some in confusion as his brow dipped to compliment the look of confusion.

"Like you know…. together"

"You mean you were so plastered you couldn't find your room so you just slept in author's?"

"No that's you…I mean, more so maybe…sort of…possible has intercourse"

Ford let his eyes fall to his feet in a bashful manor shuffling them some before a loud obnoxious laughter erupted from both of Zaphod's mouths.

"Woooow! Are you for real? I wouldn't pegged you as the first one to go for the gold!"

"Gold what gold?"

"The great goal Ix! You know what I mean"

"No I don't"

"Don't try to play that whole humble game with me you dog" He laughed almost to the point where we fell off the stool. Holding on to the counter some for support

"I never though My Cousin would be the first to shack up with an endangered species!"

Ford face went from the slight confusion that it has taken up at the sound of Zaphod laughter, to that of anger.

"Shut up Zaphod it's not that funny" A small more calming voice rang out before Ford could say anything. The thin wavy haired brunette was standing there at the entrance of the kitchen arms folded glaring some at Zaphod who slowly retracted his laughter when met with the icy stare.

"Are you serious Ford?" Her voice said as she turned those ridiculous pools of hazelnut stared holes in to him.

He knitted his fingers together looking at Trillian than back to Zaphod than back to trillion like both the little balls of blue that were his eyes were doing suicides. Trillian walked further in to the ships kitchen sitting only a little ways away from Zaphod who while one head seem to be stifling a chuckle the other was simply grinning like an idiot. Finally a sigh escaped his lips as he looked up

"Yeah, we uh, slept together or I guess you humans would say, made love"

Zaphod burst back in to a roar of laughter beating his fist against the table while wiping a few tears away from his eyes. Trillian rolled her eyes in the direction of the three-handed betelgusian, looking back at Ford

"So…are you guys~"

"I don't know when I walked out of the room Author seem to have having a small mental crisis so I left to get breakf-"

He was interrupted by the sound of shuffling foot steps both Trillian and ford's eyes settled on a still stunned looking Author who simply walked to the kitchen opened up the fridge grabbed a jar of jam and spoon and trudged right on out of the kitchen. Trillian was the first to speak,

"Oh great now he's gone and gotten the jam"

It had become a well known fact among the ship that when one ape descendent by the name of author dent was out of his wits would resort to grabbing the nearest jar of jar, some times a spoon as well and locking him self in his room and consuming the entire jar until some one eventually got the door opened and retrieved the empty jar.

"Did you…did you rape him!" Trillian suddenly jumped to the worst idea as she practically hopped out of her seat and glared daggers in to Ford. Ford put his hands up in defense a small bead of nervous sweat starting to form on his fore-head, "No At least I don't think so, I mean no! I may have been extremely intoxicated but I was no where near that inebriated to rape my best male friend!"

"Dear lord, I swear ford If I find out your lying." Trillian said quickly walking past him to hopefully catch up to the reclusive author and stop him from once again consuming the entirety of the grape confection. She exited the kitchen leaving just a some what cold feeling Ford and a cackling Zaphod.

He was but a few steps away from his room when the brown haired earth female suddenly grabbed his shoulder and spun him around snatching away the jar of grape jam before he could say "heywaitjustapicthatsmyjam.

"You'll get cavities if you eat all of this" She said motioning to the jar of jam.

"I'm an adult and I can do what I want," He said trying to sound commanding but instead coming off as incredibly whinny. Trillian rolled her eyes before ushering Author in to his room so that they might chat. She took a seat on an adjacent jar while author flopped on to his bed curling up in to a small ball while giving a heavy sigh.

"So what happened exactly"?

"I-I don't know really"

"I'm sure you do, either your thinking about it or repressing it"

"So you can read minds now"

"No offense author but your not the most unpredictable of men"

"Thanks for that."

"That's not what I mean~" She said her tone laced with a gentle comforting fluffy-ness

"I know you basically shut down when ever you don't know how to react to something"

"Oh yeah?" He said somewhat muffled by his dressing gown

"Yeah, I have no idea were this jam comfort therapy came from though"

"I like jam…"

"I know…"

"Sounds like he liked what he was doing with Ford last night a bit more" a low bored and depressed voice drifted in to the room. A familiar rainy-clouded robot stepped in to the room looked quite slouched over for a Robot.

"Kept me up all night with that they were doing."

Author began to turn a similar shade to strawberry jam, Trillian frowned some at Marvin for suddenly budding in to what was suppose to be a comforting moment.

"I have a recording if you want to listen~" he practically groaned, author was about to uncurl from his ball thought but h felt his face was far to hot with blush to reveal to Trillian. It was than that Ford chooses a wonderfully awkward point in the conversation to some retrieve his pants. And his towel that Marvin started to play the recorded of the events of last night.

It was just has bad both parties assumed. There was an array of moans, groans, purring and what sounded like a very long gratuitous make out session, as far as what well was on the recording this being a fairly clean story we are not allowed to describe in graphic detail.

Ford's face was painted with an s good amount of blush, but author…the ape descendent was so red he looked almost the same shade of a rose petal. Curling up further in to his comfort ball he shivered similar to a small dog as Trillian coughed some to clear the air of the awkward smog that was forming. "Well uh author…I can see your upset so I'll just leave you be…come on ford" she said motioning for the tall Betelgusian to fallow her out of authors room and close the door to leave him to his flustered thoughts. As soon as they were down the hallway Trillian stopped turning ford around

"We need to fix this. For the sake of all the jam in the universe…"

"Y-your right…"

End Chapter 2.

Hope you like it.!

SO the next chapter will most likely be up either tomorrow or later this week since well once I get on a roll with something most likely I pump out a lot of it before stopping for a short amount of time.

Please comment and review: D.


	3. Gay straights and bisexualsOh my!

AN- All right to those who have read this story-

I am soooooooo (and I stress this point) Sorry. For my whole spelling mishap last chapter, I didn't even realize in my rush to post the chapter that I was misspelling Arthur's name. So embarrassing. But I promise to make things up to you guys with an extra long chapter this time. I promise it shall be…*drum roll* Magnificent.

Thanks Sexy turtle for the spelling error, although I don't quite know how I can make it less cliché~ if you have any ideas please note me.

As or whom I'm imagining

Character wise

Arthur = Martin freeman (I honestly can't picture him any other way even though I read the book before I saw the movie)

Ford= Book ford

Trillian = Movie version

Zap = A mix of both

Please leave positive comments I hope this chapter is up to stuff.

If any one were to walk in to Arthur's room instead of the ruffled ape descendent that is usually seen looking almost happy now a days, they would have run in to a small curled up…shaking pondering ball of flesh. Thoughts of last night floated through the young man's head as he tried to convince him self maybe all of last night was a dream. Even then when he deceived him self in to thinking the false thoughts were true why on earth wasn't he unnerved that he had sex with his best friend in the whole universe. Why did a strong blush creep on to his face as he remembered the hot steamy sound effects Marvin had saved, why didn't disgust worm it's way in to his stomach making it churn with a horror. His stomach was uneasy mind you but not with feelings of Yuckyness or 'what did I just do?' but so a fluttery light heart-ness that made him feel like some sort of teenaged girl.

Clutching his pillow in a desperate manor he breathed out a long sigh before he began to with draw in to serious thought about not only the happenings of last night but trillians words as well, did he really do this when he didn't know how to react to something. He thought back on various occasion thinking that he would find one occasion or two but not every single time.

Flipping through his memories, he began to find many instances where he had done just that,

The time he failed to find any tea and had him self a cry right in the middle of the kitchen before curling up in to a man ball.

The time he's lost his dressing gown some where in a very crowded and very cold bar, he curled up right in the bathroom after 2 failed attempts to retrieve it.

Then there was the time where the crazy thing that was always trying to kill him found it important to make sure every jar of jam in the next three galaxy was 'taken' so Arthur couldn't enjoy a nice spoon full on toast in the morning.

That was naming a few, various other instances flooded in to h is mind where he had curled up in his man ball and either cried or simply stayed silent.

"Do I really curl up that much "?

"Yes yes you do" the little voice in Arthur's brain responded

"Oh it's you again"

"I can feel the excitement in your thoughts."

"Am I actually having another conversation with my self"

"No one the ship has mind reading abilities so I'm guessing yes!"

"Right than."

"Getting back to the task at hand, this whole having sex with Ford ordeal"

"Y-yeah.."

"It did happen"

"Yeah I know" Arthur huffed mentally, he wasn't completely in denial.. Any more.

"Yes I know you know, I'm you remember"

"I know your me, this is my brain"

"Our brain you mean"

"Get on with it!"

"Fine! Alright than….You liked it didn't you"

"Liked what?" He began to grow red once more from his minds own words

"Liked the sex…you liked it!"

"You-I means I don't know that!"

"Nonsense I am you and I liked it so you did to didn't you"

"This is starting to get confusing"

"All you have to do it admit you liked it and I'll stop talking, for now any way" the pounding in Arthur's head was starting to tell him that maybe that wasn't such a bad idea.

"Fine..Ilikedit" He muttered in a mental slur

"What was that I couldn't hear you over de Nile"

"I like it! I like the filthy shag I had with my best friend the other night, there are you happy!"

"I'll answer that question with another question, are you?"

"What does that even mean"

"Figure it out man, you're not stupid" the voice trailed off leaving Arthur's mind vacant once more.

So once again the little voice had left him, alone curled up in his man ball. He sighed some, now that he thought about it the little voice's argument was a sound one and frankly although the thoughts of there night of passion made his face turn all kinds of red, it felt good.

His thoughts of admittance were interrupted by a hearty growl coming from his stomach, obvious his stomach didn't have a little voice to express it's displeasure so it settled with simply eating it self. At least that's what it felt like to the hungry ape descendant.

Uncurling him self in a very rollie pollie manor he pulled him self away from the warm slightly ruffled duvet of his bed readjusting his clothing and walking out the room. Even if it was morning…evening..afternoon? He fancied a bit of breakfast at the moment and asked the Nutro-matic for bacon and eggs. With a small bit of praying he got a pile of some what egg looking material and two strips of material that could honestly have been bacon if had not been for the fact they were rainbow colored.

While enjoying his late breakfast, Arthur failed to even notice the gingery haired form that was currently slumped over the counter, some sort of alcoholic drink clutched in his hand. One ford perfect couldn't keep his eyes from darting over to Arthur while he enjoyed his breakfast. Once the man was finally done, setting his spork (a very popular utensil among interstellar travelers) down, he finally noticed the electric blue eyes peering right at him.

Finally a voice broke the tension (in which could have been cut by said spork)

"So…um.."

"So um what?" Arthur retorted looking at ford from the corner of his eye.

"So uh, about last night"

"What about last night.."

"I'm sorry for taking advantage of you."

Arthur couldn't help but frown at the statement, an irrational spark of anger flickered to life in the back of his mind.

"Who says you took advantage of me, Maybe I took advantage of you" Arthur quipped back just as Trillian and Zaphod entered the kitchen.

Ford frowned as well, "Well I woke in your bed.. And I was the big spoon"

"That doesn't mean anything!"

"What do you mean that doesn't mean anything? look Arthur I'm just trying to apologize"

"Maybe I don't want your apology!"

"What I don-"

"I'm going back to my room"

Arthur slid off the counter stool stomping back to his room in a completely overdramatic manor. Leaving a confused trio to think about what the hell just happened.

Ford expelled a hard breath from his nose shoving his hands to his sides, turning around to face Zaphod and Trillian, "I'm going out! Zaphod we're gonna go get wasted now!" he almost yelled while frowning deeply. Zaphod didn't have any problem with heading out on a moments notice dragged along for what would hopefully be a crazy alcohol filled night.

Trillian sighed some as she pondered wither or not this was ever going to be resolved. She walked back to Arthur's room; although he wasn't curled up in his man ball he didn't look very happy either. Lied in a starfish manor on the bed he looked positively huffy up at the ceiling. While watching him lie there she was the only onlooker to watch as Arthur went through a small rainbow of emotions. From Angry (for no good reason), to upset, to sad, to some mesh of happy confusion, than back to regretful, than descending in to outright sadness again

"You done yet" She finally called out with a small comforting smirk.

"I dunno….I don't even know what just happened, like some one flipped a switch and I felt really mad at ford for some reason"

"Sounds like mood swings to me"

"I don't have mood swings"

"Than why did I just watch you go on an emotional roller coaster in only 5 seconds"

"I'm tired that's all"

"You spent all day in bed Arthur"

"Yes but I was only thinking"

"That sure does take up a lot of energy"

"Humph"

Trill rolls her eyes walking over to the foot of Arthur's bed and having a seat; "Don't get all huffy on me again."

"I'm not getting huffy"

"Says the man pouting."

"Harrumph"

"See there it is again" Trillian pointed literally at Arthur's face to his poked out lip and slightly puffed cheeks.

"So what." He mumbled contemplating on weather or not to pull the duvet over his head to shield Trillian from seeing him pout any further.

"You know ford and zap went out."

"Yeah your point being?" Arthur grumped

"I was just telling you, incase you wanted to know what he was doing…He seemed confused..and upset after your little argument "

"I should apologize in the morning…you know when he's not piss drunk"

"that is a splendid idea smartest thing I've heard all day" She giggled some

Arthur rolled his eyes before giving a small smile; "guess I should take that as a compliment"

"Yes yes you should" Trillian replies.

(At the bar)

Zaphod was of course being the usually light in a moth ridden cabinet, drawing all sorts of ladies, and things that might be ladies but ford really wasn't quite sure since a lot of them where sandwiched together trying to get there hands on the two headed former president of the galaxy. As the pocket of woman began to form around the already smashes former president, Ford started to get a healthy dose of Arthur-itis (A aliment he and Zaphod had named when ever either one was acting in a very ape descendant like manor)

Not a lot of people seem to be coming up to the Betelgusian, as he stood there at the bar drink clutched in his head barely touched from his shock at the situation. A confused frown was pulled cross his face as he looked around, various beings chatting with each other dancing and drinking. A few people had stumbled up to him asking for various dances and other less than favorable acts but…they were drunk and there for really didn't count in ford's book.

As he downs his 2nd drink he feels a pang of regret leaving Arthur after the small fight they had. The feeling that festers within his gut doesn't feel very good at all; the addition of alcohol doesn't make it much better. Although it brings the familiar tickle to his brain he doesn't feel up to the task of asking for another drink. He sure that Zaphod can stumble his way back to the ship and heads back to the heart of gold.

Trudging in to the ships kitchen like a defeated soldier he walks in to a very interesting sight of Arthur standing in the middle of the kitchen clad in only a pair of boxer shorts, rambling about something or another while interrogating the Nutro-matic demanding a cup of tea.

He smiled fondly at him thinking of how the chestnut haired man had failed yet to find cup of tea, his constant quest to attain the beverage was a laughable one that provided the two friends with a good amount of laughs when he looked back on it.

The earthman finally noticed the Betelgusian and jumped some "Oh it's you" he said in a tone that sounded meek and nervous.

Ford simply shrugged some, "yeah it's me."

Arthur turned to face Ford some blushing in a tone that fords would happily admit was absolutely adorable.

"I-I'm sorry for yelling at you…today…for no reason…this morning" the apology went on for a bit but the rest of it ford didn't find understandable.

Ford let him ramble for a bit before interrupting him "Do you really want to talk about it"

Ford watched as Arthur's Adams apple bopped some before he nodded and gave a small smile, "In my room?" Ford asked giving a small smile thinking for once a conversation could go on in his room.

They both made there way to ford's room which since ford found it so much easier to sleep in the kitchen, living room, hallow deck or where ever else his drunken form collapsed, his room was surprisingly very neat. Ford slipped off his shoes before flopping on the bed, Author takes a seat on the foot of the side of the bed sighing some letting him self-hunch over as they sat there in silence.

"So, your back home pretty earlier for a bar night" Arthur spoke up looking back at Ford as he brought a pillow to his own face.

Ford sighed heavily "Yeah, it was an awful night, I don't know what's wrong with those people, Zaphod had plenty of things, hanging off his arm!"

Arthur could always scrap up a bit of sympathy for Ford, he placed a hand on ford's let, initially only going in for a soft manly pat, but the feeling of warmth rushing through the both of them keeps his hand there stroking his friends leg softly.

"Well, I'm sure you'll get me next time, you quote the lady killer most nights"

"That was only once and it was not my fault she was covered in pudding," Ford said in a slightly rushed tone but a completely serious face.

Arthur did his best not to make his usual confused face, "what?"

"Never mind"

"Alright than."

There was a long pause With Arthur still stroking Ford's leg, the moment was nice.

Arthur was pulled out of his thoughts, as there was the sound of soft purring coming from the betelgusian currently lying across the bed.

"Are you purring ford?"

"Maybe~"

Arthur let out a chuckle while he continued to stroke his friend's leg. He felt his hand shift some as ford sat up setting a hand on Arthur's shoulder. He muffled a gasp feeling a jolt of warmth spread through out most of his body. Ford put both hands on Arthur's shoulders turning him to face the gingery haired man. "You know this is defiantly not the alcohol speaking when I say this..I'm really not even that drunk, it's more of a buzz really" "Ford~" "Right sorry". Ford swallowed heart forcing his one of his hearts back in to it's correct placing before speaking again, "I like you Arthur, I really do, and I'd really sort of most defiantly like there to be us. Instead of you and I"

Arthur gave a somewhat dreamy look of confusion, tilting his head some.

"What?" was the only thing he said while keeping his gaze on Ford?

"Yes we-Um, I'd like to be, would you."? He stuttered some while trying to keep the somewhat

Arthur smiled some pulling his arms around Ford's waist pulling them closer to each other.

"Ford your rambling. Stop it" and with that the earthman captured the Betelgeusian's lips in a soft, sweet kiss. Ford barely had time to react before his hands snaked there way under Arthur's robe caressing the torso of his boyfriend?

"your thinking to much" Arthur practically breathed in to Ford's mouth now that things were starting to get a little hot and heavy.

Ford promptly stops doing so and simply let's his hands and body do what ever they please, tangling them selves in the ape descendants limbs as more kissing insued.

Clothing soon made there way to the floor as the ford's bed was thoroughly mess up.

Hope the chapter was good :D Leave comments and reviews


	4. Morning love

After careful consideration and drawing them how I pictured them in my mind this is most defiantly how I picture the characters in the book because my minds a little jumble and once it happens it happens

Arthur dent: Still martin freeman (It just like that people, maybe a smidge younger than how he looked in the movie though)

Ford: Like a mix of Most Def and the book ford now that I've drawn it out it makes more sense

Trillian: how she's depicted in the book (I like that one more, plus that's the way I drew her)

Zaphod: Same as before because well the movie did it so right to me, unlike the movie Zaphod in this fan fiction will have both of his heads present at all time like the book)

Sorry for the slow Update I'm on sort of writing binge so I'll be posting most likely 2 chapters than taking another break or I'll post another chapter it's drawing closer to finals so I'm doing this to relief stress.

Thanks for reading though you guys so smile faces and alcohol.

When Arthur woke he wasn't expecting to feel this…content. There was just this warm feeling of pleasure bubbling in his stomach, it wasn't like the feeling before of shocking euphoria when ever Ford's finger danced across his skin, it was mess less nerve wracking than that feeling it was more of a wrapped in a nice warm blanket. When Arthur decided it was finally time to open his eyes he was met with the dip of Fords neck greeting him.

It took Arthur a while to realize he was wrapped in not only a blanket of warm feelings but of Ford's own arms as well. Ford's favorite towel was thrown half hazardly over them shielding them from being completely cold in the somewhat brisk aired room. The earth man had suspected Eddy had maybe turned on the filtration system to make sure the room wasn't to jam packed with the smell of sex.

Arthur let out a soft breath while he snuggled deeper in to his betelgusian lover.

His brain came to a slow halt, thinking about the events that had entailed he'd never called any one his lover before, girlfriend sure, boyfriend not that he could remember..Lover? that just seem liked such an uncommon word to use especially when some one who used to be your best friend. Best friend up until one Blissed out sex filled moment that they had engaged in on the fly. He mulled over the word over and over again in his head until his attention was caught by a small grunt coming from the body he was currently entangled with. Another soft moaned fallowed as those somewhat mischievous blue eyes slowly fluttered open greeted by a head full of dark reddish brown locks.

"Morning Arthur" ford sighed some while pulling the ape descendent even closer.

"Morning Ford…"

"so…"

"So what?"

"So fancy some tea"

Arthur couldn't help but chuckle "you mean tea like substance that the Nutro-matic keeps telling me is tea"

Ford gave a small chuckle in return before nodding some "Yeah that stuff…would you"

"Wouldn't mind it, I also wouldn't mind spending a few more moments in here..With you" He said a small adorable looking strawberry blush rising upon the other man's cheeks. Ford gave Arthur another snuggle before smiling again, "Yeah Okay we could do that to" He stayed silent for a few moments before speaking again.

"Hey Arthur?"

"Yes ford?" 

"Thanks…"

"Thanks for what?"

"For trying this… I like "

The warm feeling in Arthur's stomach seem to get ever stronger as Ford tightened his hold on the earthman. It dulled his brain some as the warm feeling increased but his thinking didn't stop, ford liked him, Liked him like a best friend? Or liked him like a schoolyard crush either one sounded well but his mind was convincing him he'd prefer the latter of the choices.

Arthur decided it was best to speak or at least say your welcome or something but he was quickly cut off by loud banging on the door of Ford's bed room, fallowed by the some what hung over voice of Zaphod.

"Hey you guys done shagging yet?"

"Zaphod have I ever told you how Nosy you are" Ford said with a small growl to his voice.

"Nope!" Zaphod said in return. Arthur was wondering how Zaphod's own voice didn't give him self a headache in his own hung over stuff but than again He was always hung-over in the day time so it stands to reason how much the two headed former president of the galaxy could handle.

"Your are the single most nosy betelgusian I have ever met, more nosy than sir Nose-worthy the second of the noble noseingtons of Proboscis lane."

"Well than, if I'm going to be insulted when I'm just checking in on family I might as well leave" Zaphod huffed from the other side of the door.

"You do that…" Ford quipped before sitting up in the bed. Arthur fallowed and gave another small sweet laugh that cause a tickling feeling in Ford's stomach.

Ford suddenly looked over at Arthur giving a wiry smile before turning some in the bed to face the ape descendent.

"So Arthur.."

"yes Ford?"

"I was thinking" Ford smiled wider

"And what pray tell were you scheming"

Ford made a fake look of surprise "Arthur I don't scheme..I plot, but I was thinking…maybe if you want we could go out tonight-" Arthur cut him off with a confused

"But don't we always go out?"

Ford rolled his eyes some before speaking once more, "you didn't let me finish you silly man, I meant go out, and tonight you know on a real date"

Arthur's face suddenly turned that adorable strawberry red again, making Ford's smile widen as he sat there looking at the pink faced human.

"I wasn't really expecting that.." Arthur admitted

"Well It did just pop in to my brain and as far as I've known you, you've never exhibited any psych abilities so I'm guessing you couldn't have known that"

"Your right…"

"So?"

"So uh" Arthur's brain started to work out possible outcomes of the answer, although he liked the events of yesterday as well as where they were at now a date was still not exactly Arthur's forte he was just that kind of man who was awkward when it came to the world of romance. He gulped down the knot in his throat before turning back to Look at ford.

"Yeah a Date… sounds nice"

"Dates don't make noises Arthur"

"I mean, Yes ford I would love to go..on a date with you" He hesitated at the end, not from doubt but simple from the bundle of nerves that was forming some where in his brain. Ford suddenly embraced Arthur wrapping those deceptively strong arms around a surprise Arthur and giving what sounded like some sort of happy purring noise. The small part of Arthur that wanted to protest was quickly snuffed out by that familiar warm feeling, he had yet to identify the exact origin of this feeling but frankly the rest of him didn't care. Wrapping his own arms around Ford they were soon disrupted once more by a polite knock.

"Do either of your know the reason as to why Zaphod's sulking around mumbling about noses?"

"Not the foggiest" Ford lied while Arthur stifled his laughter

Apparently Trish could pick apart the tone of the Betelgeusian's tone and guess he was lying than again it was rare that Zaphod was quiet in the morning and his minute sulking was a nice change in pace.

"Trillian would you mind doing me a favor"

"Does it involve copious amounts of alcohol, a marching band, scissors, doughnuts or all of the above because I'm quite sure that pageant queen still had a bounty out on us"

"N- How many of my favors involve a marching band" Ford said with a frowned brow staring intently at the door while Arthur was trying and failing to keep his laughter under wraps.

"Well there was that one on the intergalactic yam festival" Arthur answered piped in.

"And that igneous rock school graduation" Trillian added

"Than that birthday party on yenricks 7" Arthur continued covering his mouth some while Ford huffed and got up from the bed finally.

"Alright Belgium, I get the picture…." Ford said grabbing his pants from the ground and quickly putting them on before going over and opening the door to reveal an amused looking Trillian.

"Well I see you both had a good time"

"That's none of your barble wax, look could you just Tell Eddy to set course for Orthosie and Please make sure he doesn't hum the entire way there, I think I might have a psychotic episode if he does"

Neither Arthur nor Trillian could contain the hilarity they got from viewing the somewhat frustrated look on Ford's face.

Apparently neither of them got that the betelgusian was entirely serious

There was no humming to be heard on the ship

And nobody was harmed.

AN: So I hope this chapter was a good one, I"ll be submitting my next one very soon, I'm actually typing it right now since I'm done with this one.

I will most likely not be describing the date, I'll illude to it but not exactly go through the lengthy process of describing it mainly because I'm having a block at describing scenes and it's really bugging me right now so I'll just go about my merry way

Like I say before please Leave reviews if you can I hope you enjoy this chapter, also let me know if you have any ideas where I can take this cause right now I have an outline but it's not set in stone.


	5. The Date

Hark what's this I hear, the sound of better writing.

Yes my friends finally in my Senior year of schooling I'm going to continue this story, because A it's a nice typing exercise and a break from the constant stream of essays.

I actually typed another chapter a while back but sadly my computer decided it was going to well pull some sort of Spanish inquisition move and simply destroy my files. I lost the outline as well but now that I think about it was a little silly anyway. Not that the revision isn't going to be ultra hella silly but hopefully after five essays on the book.

I will try my damn hardest to get this edited and for those of you who left constructive criticism STOOP FLAMUN. Haha I jest naw, thanks for the feed back I loved it. It will hopefully make this story better in the future.

And here we go loyal Hitchhiker's

Chapter five

Marvin: god not this again…

Who let you out!?

Marvin: I escaped, I bet your not even wondering how I managed to do it

But I locked you in a trunk….IN AUSTRLIA!

Marvin: your not even going to ask how I managed to escape with my massive brain. Nobody ever cares..

….Chapter Five everyone

All in all the trip to Orthosie seemed to take a short amount of time, most of said fore mentioned time being spent with Arthur scrambling to pull him self together. Ford biting what little nails he had left out of nerves for this scheduled date, Trish trying to get a hold on the situation, Zaphod even in what could be assumed to be the early afternoon indulging in some sort of strong alcoholic drink, and Marvin being a general downer as usual.

Arthur was finally dressed and ready to go when the ship has finally touched ground with the planet's surface. He hoped that it was one of the rockier planets remembering their last adventure on a springier surfaced planet that left Arthur with an upset stomach and nasty bruises on his behind.

Trish has taken the liberty OD dressing Arthur, with Arthur was to busy trying not to curl up in to his safety ball to take offense to. Although his house robe was still one of his more favored garments, reminding him of his time on earth the thing was ratty, zap hole filled and smelled of something that might have been Vogon drool. Trish has instead for this situation replaced the green faded garment with a similar colored but much nicer material jacket. It even had a similar texture on the inside of the jacket coupled with a simple shirt as well as a nice pair of pants and shoes he was dressed and ready to go out on the town.

"So are you ready to go on your date" Trish said sporting a grin that would put even the toothiest of the multi-mouthed Molarians to shame.

Arthur fiddled with some stray piece of thread on his jacket trying to keep it together. He looked down at the thread as if that simple piece of yarn. Like material was the only thing keeping him together and to pull it would be like striking the match to another Arthurific melt down.

He finally straightened up some before taking in a deep breath looking back at the still grinning Trish and nodding some.

"Good, form what Marvin has gruesomely told me, Ford is about close to nibbling off his finger tips so you'd better head off"

"Hopefully I don't make a fool of my self" Arthur sighed some before smoothing out his shirt some.

"No offense Arthur but Ford already seen you in some pretty compromising position I don't think you fumbling on a date is going to just take the fire out of his br-"

"Alright! Welp I'm going now have a nice night dealing with Marvin" he said a mock grin of glee

Trish frowned at that notion, "I try to help and this is the thanks I get" folding her arms and giving a mock look of hurt. She was quick to trop the Façade as she began to push Arthur some closer to the door. "Hurry now I'm sure ford is down to his cuticles by now"

Arthur huffed some as being shoo'd out the door, "Alright I'm going…"

"You to love birds have fun" Eddie piped in as cheery and annoying as every.

"Hopefully this date of your isn't to miserable~" Marvin drawled in some sort of attempt to wise the human good luck.

Arthur smiled some before nodding and going in to the main deck where Ford was biting…cross that wrestling with Zaphod in an attempt to bite his nails.

"Um." was all Arthur could say while standing there looking at the semi cousin's struggle of Zaphod third arm.

Ford quickly released the appendages making Zaphod almost smack him self in the face. "Arthur your ready" Ford said face lighting up some making his eye sparkle which in turn did funny little boy scouts knots with Arthur's stomach. Arthur nodded some but didn't have time to respond before ford was grabbing on to his arm and quickly pulling him off the ship. To his stunned surprised the ground was thankfully hard. When ford had finally stopped pulled Arthur was able to look down and see they were standing upon something that looked to be a cobble stone street of some sort. He knew at the least it was some sort of stone which to be honest he hadn't set foot on any kind of rock in quite a while.

His vision slowly pulled up as his eyes set upon and area that looked suspicious like an alley of shops of some sort. Of course it wasn't like anything he was used to seeing on earth. And It wasn't very often they went shopping, when ever they did Arthur was more accustomed to staying on the ship to avoid last time incident. He shivered some at the thought thinking how he'll never look at a sales clerk the same way again. The earthman felt a small nudge as his beetlgusian date nudged him some nervous smile creeping on to his face.

"Come now Arthur your not freezing up on me," the words were obviously meant to have humor contained somewhere in them but they only gave off a little nervous and more than a little jittery.

"What? Oh! No..no no, I'm fine just taking the scenery as all. It's not so often we set foot on a planet and we're not being shot at chased, captured or a combination of all three." He gave a nervous chuckle resulting in a little uneasy volley of laughter coming from the both of them. Like the nerves were having some sort of mating dance and feeding in to the uneasy feeling both earthman and beetlgusian were suffering from.

"Well we don't want to be late than, we should get going"

"Late-" Arthur was unable to finish his sentence when Fords hand was suddenly clasped around his own leading him down the shopping alley. There was that warm feeling again. That feeling of comfort that seem to wrap around his mind and quiet his nerves some. He couldn't help but smile softly at the positively fuzzy feeling.

"Where are we going exactly?" Arthur inquired

"It's a surprise"

"No offense Ford, I trust you and all but some of your "surprises" have no turned out so well for me"

"It's a wonderful surprise, I promise completely nonlethal"

"I'll still have all of my limbs and or clothing at the end of it right"

"Yes to the first part and No to the second part"

"Oh-Wait what?" Arthur said with just a hint of panic.

"Well if this Date thing goes well, I defiantly plan to remove those pants from you one way or another"

"Ford!" Ford he said looking to see if any of the passing organisms with ears had heard that. Weather or not they did didn't stop the poor ape descendant from blushing as the Ford smirked and pulled the other man along. Soon they arrived at what looked to be a dock of some sort with a variety of creatures standing in land awaiting what ever vessel was on it's way.

Instead of going to wait in line, Ford pulled Arthur to the front causing a squealing protest from some sort of giggly see through creature that looked as if it was sporting some kind of wig and was obviously dressed to prowl the town. Arthur quickly looked away before he caused any more upset looking back at Ford who was chatting with the man holding some sort of electronic clip board.

"Ford we can't just jump all these people"

"Oh don't worry about them there single"

"I don't see what that has to" Again story progression decided to cut Arthur mid sentence as a..Creature that look startling like a giraffe and a turtle had some sort of drunk sexcapade and had one of the strangest looking off spring Arthur had ever set eyes upon. Said creature cleared his very long throat some as he seem to press a few useful and not so useful buttons on the futuristic clip board looking back at Ford and Arthur and giving what looks to be a smile if one were to tilt your head sides and squint.

"Mister Perfect, Mister dent your couples table is ready. Any scenery you have in mind for this dinner"

Ford quickly dipped in to his pocket and placed it in to the giraffe mutants cloven hands. "I brought my own" ford smile. The giraffe mutant sort of smiled again before giving a slight jostle of the head that might have been a nod of some sort.

"Enjoy your time at the Holo-Diner-Fantasa voyage"

"The what" Arthur said as Ford tugged him along again stepping on to the dock as a Circular orb seem to descend from the sky lowering it self to the deck edge and opening awaiting the arrival of it's soon to be occupants.

Arthur gulped some looking at the mysterious orb causing Ford to slow down some, as if he felt the other mans slight panic and gripped just a bit tighter on the Arthur's hand, making another warm pulse shoot through him and lessen the anxious feeling a good amount.

"Don't worry Arthur, I promise it'll be fun..not dangerous in the least. No marching pants, no Kill-o-zap-o guns, no vogons, no mythological figures nothing just you and me and a nice dinner for two" the Alien smiled giving one of those expression that made Arthurs stomach twist it self in to complicated unwanted knots.

"okay" he breathed out as they walked a few more steps and climbed inside of the pod. There seem to be a table setting there in the middle of the large pod sat a table. Simple white…round very modern looking like one of the outrageous plain ones you saw on some bad sci-fi movie.

Arthur and ford made their way over to the table Ford pulling out the chair for his ape descendant date and soon taking a seat on him.

"So what no-" It seemed some cosmic force out there was having a great deal of fun cutting off the speech of the poor earth man because before he could speak another word the hatch to the pod closed. He couldn't really tell weather the vehicle was moving or not. All he knows it as soon as the lights went of a Hand was there to grab his returning that lovely warm feeling as they remained off for a few seconds.

It helped when suddenly there was the sensation of a flashlight being shined in Arthur's face. He saw nothing but little purple dots as suddenly their table seemed to be in what looked to be an endless grassy field. Arthur found his head turning in various directions his view only obstructed by his neck inability to turn 360 degrees.

"Ford where are we," He inquired

"Well technically was still I the pod dearest"

"Really"

"Yes, were enjoying the best simulations the couples package of the Holo-Diner-Fantasa voyage has to offer"

"But" he said motioning to the realistic feeling grass beneath his feet.

"Oh this, well While I was one earth I remember when I first landed there, I took some pictures so the guide could some visual shots of earth. I was thinking maybe it'd be come a tourist destination for those who you know where interested in that sort of nature business"

"So what…this is earth?" He said face going to a blank slate of neutrality.

Ford nervously pulled at his collar some as if the ghost of his father was attempting to exact revenge by trying to choke him, but being a ghost could only is mildly annoying with some sort of invisible pestering pressure to his throat.

"Yeah, If you don't like it I can" this time it was some one else's turn to cut off as Arthur leaned in and gave Ford a soft kiss on the lips. There was a small jolt that went through both party's lips.

Arthur may have been a little teary eyed but Ford was to engrossed in the lingering thought of Arthur's surprisingly soft lips to care.

"It's perfect, ford I love it" the both of them knew there was a pun in there somewhere but relishing in the moment they didn't really care.

Needless to say for once in their action packed, drama filled, adventure driven alcohol drenched lives, Arthur was able to sit and enjoy a moment of peace he had long since forgotten.

And it was all the doing of one Ford perfect.

If he had thought to spare on it he would have admitted that to be the best word for the moment. Perfect.

End chapter

WOW that was a sappy ending but I had to do it.

CUTE ENDING RIGHT! Well I finally got this chapter out. I'm sorry for all you wonderful folks that actually took the time to read this story. Don't worry I'm not like the other writers though. I'm ACTUALLY GOING TO FINSIH THIS IF IT KILLS ME!

Next chapter…. Drama-bomb

Comments are always welcome my friends.


	6. Alls not well on the dance floor

Chapter 6

_Hitchhiker's guide has this to say about Betelgeusians_

_Asides the events on Betelgeuse 7, it's nearly impossible to erase a large population of Betelgeusians. Aside from being ingenuitive, crafty and partially crazy semi alcoholic carnivores, this species in partially also has the innate ability to breed like there's no tomorrow. Similar to some sort of wolf rabbit thermistor hybrid Betelgeusians often choose a hand full of mates in which they are faithful to (some times sharing spouses with extended family) to produce as many offspring as possible. Males in particular use a specific mix of alluring pheromones to charm possible spouses even those belonging to other species. As one person quoted "It's like there some sort of living electric blanket" which needless to say is quite popular among many species. One might think a race this successful at breeding and staying alive must have downfalls as well correct? I mean so many people in a marriage and the threat of even more joining the fold there's only so much space in the bed. Than again these same inquisitors probably have never opened a book are still being dazzled by out shiny cover. This problem can be easily solved by the flip of a preverbal switch as Males enter a cooling period in which the pheromones completely shut off, leaving the male to his own devices._

It's been 6 months, at least Arthur thinks it's been 4 months (try as he might he never was going to get track of time while venturing through out the universe), since Ford and Arthur entered there official and publically announced relationship. Publically announced meaning they had to presented this out loud to Eddie to keep him to inquiring as to what those noises coming from there room where. So far It had been going great, the ship's jam was being used for breakfast purposes only and not confection based therapy, both Arthur and Ford seemed to be enjoying them selves though Arthur now had to keep a good reign on his jealousy when ever Ford sex appeal was running rampant through a club and prowlers of various description trying to get there, arms/hooves/tentacles/what ever that Jell-O like food is on to ford, seeing as ford Had enough grace to tell them he was currently engaged in a bit of monogamy. Although he didn't appreciate the flirting he did every now and than.

It is a universal fact how ever, that some one can only have so much happiness and peace before some omnipotent force out there decides it best to end the good time and bring in a few of chaos just to spice things up.

Arthur couldn't believe it here he was in a very similar position to how this whole chain of events had started. Zaphod and Trillian were enjoying them selves laughing having a good time and mingling with the multi-racial crowd in the club they had decided to visit. He was sitting at the bar again with a drink who's name he couldn't pronounce and once again he seem to be engaged in an internal dialog while watching a sight in which had started to Desavuhish position. There ford was, already on the right (or wrong) side of hammered talking with some one that wasn't the man in which he was currently sleeping with.

Now many of you are reading that line and thinking, how jealous of Arthur to demand all of that poor man's attention but let us remind you we have yet to finish the entire description. There ford was..drink in hand chatting, talking, laughing and mostly flirting with a pair of ladies (he thinks) that resembled something akin to a mermaid, but instead of the top half being a stunning lady and the bottom a glitter fish tale. Their top half's looked like some one had stuck wigs on goldfish and sewed Barbie legs to make there own version of a mermaid. He seem to be giving it his all to get the two fish ladies to come to h-their bed.

_[Maybe that's how Betelgeusians hold a friendly conversation]_

_Friendly conversation my arse _

_[Now now let's not get testy, you're probably just jumping to conclusions anyway] _

_Jumping to conclusion! He's clearly trying to talk them in to some rank semi aquatic ménage trois. _

_[Now I wouldn't go that far] _

_That far, I can see it! I'm no Sherlock Holmes but I can at least draw my own conclusions from what I'm seeing. _

Suddenly Arthur sulked in his chair some a bubbling sick churning feeling in his stomach.

_Oh god he's finally gotten tired of me hasn't he _

_{Come on let's not be so pessimistic] _

_Longest relationship I've ever had and it ends just like that. _

_[I wouldn't go that far-] _

_I'm going to be alone forever, my only companion ship a stupid little voice in my head _

_[Now I take offense to that] _

At this point in time Arthur put down his drink curling his arms around his angry stomach. He really didn't want to be here anymore, he didn't have the energy to drag ford back to their shared bed..Not that he seemed very interested in coming back to it tonight. He got off the school with out a word leaving the noisy alcohol riddled club and slinking all the way back to the ship. He ignored whatever inane debate Martin and Eddie were engaged in and headed straight to his bedroom.

By that time his stomach hadn't settled down one bit, it actually felt even worse than before. A building nausea that left him almost curled up at his door way. He probably would have make a mess of the floor, but luckily his legs seem to move with out input from his brain and brought him straight to the bathroom attached to their bedroom. He stayed there in utter misery for a good minute throwing up any and all food he might have consumed in the last day. After a while he found what meager strength he had left picking him self off the floor of the bathroom he stumbled out in to the bedroom prompt falling atop the covers. Arthur didn't even bother with the covers he didn't have the strength, the only thing he felt like doing at this point was sleeping and forgetting.

**Ford pov**

Ford rubbed his cheek some as he watched yet another person walk away, yet another person that seemed to be immune to his usually sexual game. Really he didn't know what he'd said all he'd done was make a joke there, given a raunchy statement here and done his usually single song and dance. Just playful banter he promised. Not like he was actually planning on sleeping with anyone that wasn't Arthur at the moment. He just wanted to keep his skills sharp, just….just incase this thing with Arthur didn't last. Not that he wasn't hopeful about it but monogamy was a new thing for him and with this sort of thing you never could be quite sure.

"Having a rough night?" a voice inquired behind him.

He turned around to see Trillian sporting a tight little smile and Zaphod not to fair away chatting up another random over made up floozy.

"Yeah I don't kno-" Trillian must had received some sort of ninja training because Ford certainly didn't see that hand coming.

"Belgium! What was that for?!"

"What do you mean what was that for?! What in Pluto's name do you think your doing"?

"What do you mean what am I doing, what are you doing"

"No No No ford not this game, answer the question before I hit you again" she said raising her hand, keeping it strong and ready for any trip ford could possible spit.

"Just you …the field" He said admitting he was well aware of what she was talking about.

"Playing the field? Oh that's a grand plan especially when you sent you Boyfriend to the bar to get drinks just so you could "play the field" " she said putting his words in air quotes, making it so his words are thumb tact to his guilt.

"I-"

"No hush you don't get to speak. I just watched poor Arthur trudge back to the ship and you know who he wasn't with " He opened his mouth just as she harshly poked his chest "yes that's right you, he walked out alone looking like some one told him tea didn't ever exist and his home planet was blown up….Again! God, If we come back to various empty jam jars I'm going to beat you with them"

"What he's already gone?!

"Don't sound so surprised, really I'm surprised he didn't give you one good lick before leaving"

Zaphod turned one of his heads in the direction of the conversation.

"Yeah a little two faced of you cuz"

"Oh like your one to talk!"

"Ford, I don't get it why would you go and do something like this. The two of you seemed so happy"

"I was-I mean I am I-"

"Than explain to me what all this flirting about, I mean you've been doing this all week!"

"I-"

"Yeah what sup cuz, I ain't no expert on commitment but isn't what your doing like breaking relationship laws or something"

At this point Ford was cornered, trapped unable to escape from a fearsome foe. The truth and his own feeling, which were conveniently taking the form of Trillian and Zaphod.

"Can we at least talk about this outside"?

Trillian rolled her eyes some crossing her arms before she turned her back to him grabbing the neck of Zaphod's sporty jacket and dragging him out of the club a chastised looking ford fallowing them head down looking utterly ashamed of him self.

As soon as they stepped out of the triangular doorway of the club they were met with peaceful silence. He thanked barbleflex this club came with a Audioneutraltronic as there was not a single beat, garble lyric or wub to be had outside of the club but also dreading the fact he was left to the silence of an his two expecting friends.

"So let's have it" Trillian demanded

"I'm-" He opened his mouth, words escaping him. Feeling as if the babel fish was taking a small break from snacking on the unconscious waves of his brain. Like a scratched audio file he skipped.

"I-" and skipped

"I" and skipped

"I" and skipped

He wasn't able to get on with his sentence and move the story along until Trillian gave him another good slap.

"Ouch! Belgium all right! I'm-" Trillian raised her hand as a warning "I'm entering my chłodzenoc period alright just please stop hitting me" he said flinching some and expecting another blow to his already stinging cheek. The look on Trillian's face is one of utter confused while Zaphod looks shocked both heads with eyes wide open looking at Ford as if he's just admitted to swimming in an entire pool of Garlondic moonshine, incase you don't understand that reference, it's a look of pity…. extreme pity.

"Explain please?"

Ford crossed his arms a little indignantly pouting some, "that's a little personal isn't it"

"My previous threat involving the jam jar still holds firm"

Trillian threw her hands up in exasperation and embarrassment and let his hands flop to his side.

"Well you see when a male Betelgeusians finds some one he likes very much-"

Trillian cringed some "is this like the birds and the bees?"

"Birds and the what" He stopped in the middle of his explanation still looking at Trillian and Zaphod. "Wha-are" 

"Never mind continue" Trillian waved her hand in dismissal.

"Alright than as I was saying, the chłodzenoc period is when a Betelgeusians male meets a person in some cases a thing, that he really likes. So he stops producing pheromones so he can't just. Sleep with who ever he wants …anymore Mostly cause it results in the lose of most of ones date getting success rate but I mean I wasn't even expecting this to happen to me till later on. I mean I'd have already settled down, have a couple more spouses under my belt than one. Not some underpaid hitchhiker who risk life and limp filling entries in some book, with only 35 five Altairian dollars to my name and a towel. I was supposed to have a life past this, be more than just a hitchhiker. It not suppose to end this quickly!" At this point Ford was on the wrong side of hysterical fingers digging in to his scalp as his breath picked up. He was speaking at a speed in which would make some of multi-mouthed raced green with envy. It was also at this point Trillian gave him another good slap across the face the promptly ended his emotionally driven verbal upchucking.

"Okay I needed that one." He agreed rubbing his cheek again while lowering the other hand.

"Well-" Zaphod added breaking up the awkward silence that had befallen the three as ford was still rubbing his cheek.

"So basically" Trillian said leaning back some and staring ford down, "your saying is that… And just humor me here-"

"I don't think it's very funny"

"It's a turn of speech Ford"

"Oh"

"Anyway you're saying that. Your body's basically telling you you've found your true love and you had a small melt down completely ignoring it and deciding you'd try to deny this last oh about half a year and go back to the good old Ford perfect days"

There was another long silence before anyone spoke.

"Y-yes…I mean now that you say it like that it seems like a right rotten plan"

"Stuff never sounds as good as it does in your head"

Zaphod nodded some, "Denial and Me are close buds but even I wouldn't go as far as ignoring biology"

"Well now that you've come to this stellar conclusion, we need to fix this mess, or more so you need to fix this mess Ford before Arthur starts bleeding strawberry jam or something"

The silence on the walk back to the ship was unbearable. He felt like he was being read Vogon poetry only to be rescued and than thrown to a ravenous bugblatter beast. He stepped on to the room ignoring any and all greetings he got from Eddie (Not that he didn't do that anyway) going to the ship's kitchen he hesitated when opening the fridge fearing there wouldn't be a single jar left in the condiment storage unit. Upon his surprise there the jam was sitting safe and content to go on with his sticky sweet jam like existence. Fords brow dipped some as he closed the door and instead headed to his and Arthur's room. Instead of seeing a grown man curled in to a position reenacting a scared roli poli there was Arthur passed on atop the comforter of their bed. He breathed out a thankful breath he hadn't come home to an angry Arthur or worse a depressed one. Taking off his clothing till he was down to his boxers he removed Arthur's clothing as well only getting weak grunts as he removed the outing garments leaving Arthur in the same state of dress as him. After a small amount of work he got Arthur and him self under the covers. It was just as he was going to roll over and attempt to go to sleep that he a groggy "Ford?"

"Yes Arthur" Ford said while still lying on his back

"din aspect you so soon" he slurred slightly. Like ice crystals growing in his heart he felt his own guilt tear in to him some.

"yeah.."

"Ford?"

"Yes Arthur"

"doyou luf me?" Arthur slurred again turning over to the other side with eyes glossy meaning he probably wasn't really awake.

"I-"

"cuzI lufyou, swhy I lef so early,"

"what's why?" He said knot already forming in his throat, growing so rapidly it was cutting off airflow to his brain.

"cuz I thaug you were tired of me" Arthur said scooting closer to him throwing a sleep arm haphazardly over the other man's waist.

"No Arthur, I-I'd never get tired of you. Belgium why would you think that"

"Flirtin"

The guilt crystals in his heart grew a little more as the knot in his throat continued its quest to choke him.

"I'm sorry Arthur, Belgium I'm so sorry. I was being stupid," he said reaching out and pulling the Earthman closer like he was going to vanish if he didn't. "I Love you to" like some sort of doubling teaming effort to make him feel like the universes first place recipient of the worst person awards, the guilt crystals scored there way deep in his chest and the knot in his throat grew so much it felt like it was going to kill him soon. The reason being is, those words weren't just statement throat in a quest of forgiveness. They stood true, he meant the dreaded L word which made his flirtatious acts feel all the more heinous.

He just hoped that what ever cosmic deity or trans-dimensional being that acted as some sort of luck giving Santa clause would leave him just a little. Just so Arthur remembers those words and the guilt didn't kill him by the morning so he could possibly fix this.

End Chapter


	7. Sorry lovely

AN: So yeah, I know there are all the excuses in the world I could make for this but all of it's unexcusable. I have been busy with real life but thats no excuse for leaving you poor dears in a state of story limbo. I promise (I swear) I will post another chapter very soon, hopefully if I pick back up with a short chapter that will get me back in to it and Soon *bam* we're gonna have our selves on hell of a story


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